okay, maybe you can translate this man-speak (via text) from the ex:

him: i miss you so much

me: i wish things didn’t have to end like this. this is one of the hardest times in my life.

him: i want to be at your house so bad

me: living or to visit?

him: i just miss seeing you everyday. and seeing you put a lump in my throat

me: but i feel confused. i don’t know what you want from me.

him: i don’t know what i want. do you know what you want?

me: yes, but i don’t think i can have it.

him: what is it that you want

me: i don’t think you really want to know. or maybe just not ready to hear.

him: tell me and i will figure it out

me: its not that simple. part of it is you knowing what you want from me.

him: i know what i want from you but i believe you don’t want to do it

me: i guess we will talk later. but then why did you say at first you didn’t know what you wanted?

…..that was the end. I’m even more confused. it’s important to note that i know he’s dating. AND that whoever it is

1.) looks just like my little sister (who lives on the other side of the country, so i know it’s not her)

2.) he calls her right before or after whenever he calls me. now that i really don’t call him anymore, they call one another at least 5 times a day. at the times of the day when he USED to call me like clockwork (the minute he got off from work), he calls this other person.

3.) he’s sleeping with her. i’ve had to call him or get something from him on a couple saturday mornings and he still wasn’t home yet from the day before. he had the audacity to come over to my house later looking disheveled and going “Oh, I’m still wearing what I had on yesterday. I look a mess….” and I chose not to react, but rather to act like he was my gay friend telling me about a romp…..does he not know that I know what he looks like after an all nighter of sex better than anybody else in the world?

4.) he has no clue i really know all of this. and no, i don’t snoop on men. it’s just amazing how “providence” or fate works is all i have to say.

5.) he lied and told me that he’s only been on 2 dates with a random woma(e?)n he has no intention of seeing ever again. (yeah, right…) he has no clue what i really know.  I had to bust him out just to get that out of him. which left him stuttering and going “um, I’m sorry.  i didn’t know how to tell you.  do you think it’s too soon?”  to which i respond “you’re a grown man.  you do what you want.  who am i to tell you who to or not to see?  if it’s not too soon for you, then you have to do what makes you happy.”

….People say that women are crazy, we play games, and we don’t know what we want. But this is a classic example of why I don’t think that women are the only ones…..

my translation of the text?….ugh, my friends/family/coworkers will call me a cold hearted bitch, but my gut tells me that he just wants sex because he doesn’t want to feel guilty about sleeping with and dating other women. and that he knows i’m not willing to sleep with him without us working on our relationship first – and this means being monogamous. i can’t do the seinfeld/elaine ‘early years’ with him. we’ve got too much history (8 years?) for that. it makes me a little angry to think that he might be trying to coax me into that. i’m sorry if i’m wrong. it hurts my heart(deeply) to even THINK that i can’t trust his intentions. dios mia!